chiller blog

Posted Feb 16, 10 03:08 PM

Confessionals of a Horror Fan

"What's that," I asked Bryan, eagle-eyeing a pamphlet nested on an envelope stack in his parents' kitchen. The Mary and Joseph figurines were visible in the living room, and a crucifix hung above the door.

Bryan ignored me - advice my friends tend to follow anyway. So, I browsed the pamphlet. It originated from the USCCB: the Office for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

A whoooooole different ratings system? Fascinating.

Of course, I was already familiar with the Motion Picture Association of America. I remember when my brother Andy, fresh from serving as an altar boy at Sunday mass, cheerily announced that the ratings stood for Great (G), Pretty Good (PG), Rotten (R) and X-tremely Rotten (X). The additions of the NC-17 and PG-13, though, pretty much ruined his entire joke.

He didn't laugh at mine - that they should invent "PG-Andy Kalvoda". Everyone except Andy Kalvoda can see the movie. But I digress.

Those MPAA ratings, of course, replaced the Hays Code (the "Production Code"), which for nearly four decades served as the self-censorship watchdog for movie studio output and its effect on Middle America and audiences beyond.

No Code? No distribution. Want the Code? Submit to the Hays Office - and watch the censors scrutinize, restrain and even reconceive projects with their own particular puritanical inkstrokes. It took un-defang-able titles such as The Pawnbroker and Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolff to render the Code obsolete. Complete with raw language, full-on sexuality, onscreen depictions of violence, and no subject matter left merely implied, Modern Cinema was upon us.

But the USCCB Code - actually conceived before the Hays Code (through the National Legion of Decency) - remains in effect to this day, overwhelmingly under the radar even to most of its own congregations. As expected, the office doesn't get involved in film development. But its mission of monitoring is clear - it's even stated directly on the USCCB website: "Aesthetics vs. Morality - Morality Wins."

And, naturally, human beings have different interpretations of what constitutes both aesthetics and morality.

Personally, I have no qualms with most content. Just give me truth and take responsibility for what the images one creates and distributes. NBC Universal has hard-fast guidelines for the images broadcast on its networks. For example, on CHILLER, you won't find rape, heavy cursing, or torture porn violence.

But there are those who do have issues with content solely for content's sake. Personally, I was put off while perusing a copy of The Christian Movie Guide for Parents, as the publication praised the dramatically inert Around the World in 80 Days for its "nice scenery" while finding the R-rated Platoon completely without merit.

On some level, I do get where they're going...but hardly where they arrived. The writers, based on their own personal beliefs, object to strong images and secular subject matter. But the very absence or presence of either or both neither equate nor negates a work's success or failure. How does one make a creative difference in the world by avoiding depictions of the world altogether?

Had I found out about the USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting at an earlier age, I'd be a very different mindset. Great! Even more guilt!

So, how exactly does one grow up a subscribing Catholic AND a horror fan? Hey, the biggest scare I ever got at church was having to use the restroom during the homily...and going down all by myself into that never-renovated dark echo chamber Father Kuhn called the basement.

That was until I went to confession. And, from behind the screen and kneeler, nervously admitted to having seen --- and liked - Creepshow.

Sigh.

Here's the USCCB rundown. Do note that the A's, formerly, were not divided. There was a B ("morally objectional in part for all") that would be on par with the A-IV. The C - for "condemned" - became the O.

A-I. "General patronage."

Not interested. Next.

A-II. "Adults and adolescents."

Essentially, anything rated PG. This is where you'll find the older horror title Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man. Bride of Frankenstein. Even - wow, they went easy here - Todd Browning's very disturbing Freaks. Did the Office not see the ending??!!

A-III. "Adults."

We're on PG-13 ground now. Jaws, admittedly gruesome in part, and – surprisingly - Drag Me to Hell. I thought the latter's horror-comic title alone would render certain condemnation. It's interesting to note that the should-have-been-rated-NC-17er The Passion of the Christ somehow is justified in this category.

A-IV – now L: "Limited adult audience - films whose problematic content many adults would find troubling".

This is their R equivalent - most R's, that is. The Exorcist - "on shaky ground theologically" - is listed here. So is The Omen remake - although the original gets the severe classification, while the inept Dreamcatcher apparently is guilty of "eliciting ennui instead of terror."

What's "ennui?" Anyone?

O. "Morally offensive".

Includes "'Torture porn' films like the Saw or Hostel franchise...and every last installment of Friday the 13th. And Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Shining? You gotta be kidding me. And Se7en? Se7en is one of the most spiritual films I've ever seen. It, admittedly, derives from gruesome source material. But the Office's own policy contends that that doesn't preclude it from being "an acceptable film". The artistry on display in Se7en is nothing but restraint in the depiction of the struggle to retain goodness in a world going bad.

Looking at these USCCB ratings... I think they scared me straight. I just wonder where they'd put Apparitions - it's an unbelievably stylish six-episode (I know...only six!!!) pick-up from the BBC. While investigating miracles, a Brit priest performs an escalating series of exorcisms that signal a deeper darkness falling under the heavens.

Ooh, sign me up.

Hopefully, this is the kind of series that gets translated into an Americanized revival. Cult fanbases - are you out there? Can you hear me from the A-IV and O rows?